So, I have been MIA in recent times, but it has been for very good reason…let me explain.
We were supposed to start our IVF cycle in July, but due to a booking error (for the good) we actually started in June, of which we only found this out on May 31st! After a very fast drug education session occurred the following day we were ready to start this process.
The first two weeks of June were taken up with injections, which I proudly did myself, blood tests, scans, drugs, and a couple of procedures (google the IVF/ICSI process if you want more information here). The last two weeks of June were spent in the most intense emotional waiting of my life. After going through all of that, and after 4.5 years you have all your hopes hinged on a blood test, and waiting for that blood test is sheer hell. I don’t think that people really understand that you go through all of that in the HOPE (which is about 32% in total, less successful for us *cough* mature women) that it works for you, and that you will have a baby.
Lucky for us, it worked. Hearing the news that our HCg levels meant we were pregnant is something I will never forget. Although, I can’t remember a thing she said afterwards as I was in tears. The roller coaster did not end here though, our second blood test showed the hormone levels had not gone as high as they would’ve liked and so we had to have a third blood test and a scan done to ensure it was not an ectopic pregnancy (where implantation occurs in the fallopian tube and is not viable so has to be removed). Happiness followed as we saw implantation had occurred in the uterus, and the hormones had picked up speed again. Two weeks later we had another emergency scan to check that a miscarriage was not happening. By this stage most women are just discovering they a pregnant, not us! We had spent four years testing, trialling, paying, finally going through the IVF/ICSI process, and to top it off we had also had an ectopic pregnancy concern and a miscarriage scare!
Finally, at just over 12 weeks we saw our baby moving, flipping, rolling, kicking and heard a heartbeat. All of those things you are desperate for when you are unable to conceive.
While we have had all this going on, as well as everyday life, I guess I have been quite hesitant to blog as all my coherent thoughts are wrapped around this and I haven’t wanted to write too much on it for a few reasons:
1. Not to jinx it. I am sure we all feel like this with certain things.
2. Two friends and I are currently, and almost finished, writing a book on the infertility journey and I don’t want to write content that will be in the book.
3. But mainly I don’t want to cause further hurt to those struggling. I understand the excitement for ‘one us of’ conceiving is quite different, it gives us all hope and we know what it took and the pain to get there, but I also have experienced the pain of announcements, scan photos and all that goes with it that I don’t want to add to anyone’s hurt.
So, if anyone is reading this that is still on their own infertility journey, at whatever stage it may be, my thoughts are with you. Sincerely with you. I know how hard it is, and I really do feel your pain. Please connect in this space, either with friends who have or are going through it, a stranger through social media who is, or join a Facebook group, it really does help.
They say that undergoing fertility treatment is as stressful as undergoing cancer therapies or recovering from a cardiac trauma, so please give those navigating fertility treatments the love, care and support you would to those in the other treatment groups.
I apologise for being a ghost on this blog, I really didn’t know what to say…
Mel H x